I have been busy these past months, working full time, studying part time, living a busy life.
What has connected me to it all has been the people in my life and meditation.
I was recently asked what it is that I get from meditation – this was not a scornful question, but a true inquiry.
Mindfulness meditation clears my mind. Literally makes it an empty place. There are no past worries, no future concerns. Me and my breath.
I have always envied my husband for his ability to dump the world and just be in the moment; he can literally think about nothing. My mind has always whirled – are the children safe? What does that momentary ache in my hip signify? Will the bad weather affect my mom’s ability to get out for groceries? Why did I do that – or that – or that?
When I learned to meditate, it guided me to understand the beauty of a silent mind. The absolute peace that can come from being in the moment with only my breath. The peace and serenity of nothing but that breath. The closest I had come to that before was lying on a beach listening to waves crashing.
Mindfulness meditation has made me want more and less. More quiet. Less mental noise. More crashing waves.
This does not mean I do not want to think, learn, experience. It means that I want to have times away from all that to rest my mind. And I want to be fully present as I think and learn and experience the world.
Today, I am sitting on campus, doing homework (and apparently blogging). It is here that I first learned about mindfulness – and it deepened the experience of the last three years. What a gift.